“But how do I know that this person is the one for me?”
“Is there like a light that goes off or something?”
“How can I be sure?”
I feel like these questions sit in the recesses of our minds when we are plagued with fear of the unknown. When it comes to relationships, we all want to find that “perfect” fit; the kind we often see modeled on TV, in social media, in our friendships, and in people-watching. Love is all around us, and it’s so easy to think, “How did they know? How did they get to that place?”
I remember being younger and having no idea what dating was. It wasn’t until I got to High School and had my first encounter with a boy who liked me, that I finally realized that being liked can lead to someone asking you on a date. From there, you can either remain as friends or become someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend. The notion was bizarre to me, these labels that felt so definite and life-changing.
All this to say, I didn’t always welcome the idea of getting married. When I was younger, probably around five or six, I wanted to remain single and never grow up. I largely blame that on Peter Pan and my childlike outlook on life. Thankfully, I grew up and realized that I actually did want to get married someday… but to who?
Who would my mystery man look like? What would his name be?
Have you ever played that game with a soda can where you twist the tab back and forth as you say the alphabet – and whatever letter you land on when the tab breaks off, that letter indicates the beginning initial of your future spouse? Well, I played that game a lot (never made it quite to Z – sorry Zac), but it was all in good fun. I played this game a lot with my friends, and I guess you could say we all started wondering at an early age who we might end up with.
Fast forward to December of 2016, Zac and I met for the first time (read more about that here – Thank God for Moms – How Zac & I Met), and let me just say that it was the single most frightening and exhilarating moment of my life.
Both my previous relationships before Zac were based solely in friendship before we started dating. With Zac, our first date was on the first day we met, so that was a new experience. BUT – it was literally the best thing.
When I met Zac, it wasn’t like I immediately knew that he would be the one, but I found that even though it was terrifying to go on a blind date, I was completely at peace. Looking back, dating had always brought me severe anxiety – with my first boyfriend I had to go on anxiety meds, and the second I ended up in the ER. Needless to say, dating has never been easy for reasons I can’t really explain. But when I met Zac, things were different.
Yes, I found myself thinking, “Could he be the one? Where is this relationship going?” but all of these questions brought me excitement rather than severe anxiety.
However, it wasn’t until May of 2017 where I had a breakdown and realized just how deeply in love I was with Zac. I had to leave work early because I was hyperventilating since we had yet to really talk about our feelings and I was growing concerned that perhaps we weren’t on the same page. But the sweet and beautiful thing about Jesus is that He knows just what we need.
Later that night, Zac came over and we talked. I started to share my fears and concerns (without telling him how I felt because I wanted him to say things first haha).
He asked me, “Alissa, you know you’re a part of my future, right?”
and I said, “No, I had no idea. It would have been nice to know that before I started freaking out today.” (Of course I had the biggest, corniest smile on my face)
But from then on, I knew he would be the man I was going to marry.
All this to say, the knowing didn’t come all at once. But it came, and it came with peace and joy. Of course I didn’t know the future, but I was content in just going on the journey.
I believe that love is a choice. There are countless people out there in the world whom we can choose to love and make our special person – I don’t really feel as though there is just one. Perhaps thinking otherwise limits the working power of God and makes the choosing less special, but who knows. I will say that there is no one quite like Zac, though.
In my past relationships, they were riddled with fear and uncertainty. And come to find out, I hadn’t even met my future husband until Zac walked through my front door on December 4th, 2016. Perhaps all the intense anxiety and uncertainty I felt before Zac was the Lord’s way of preparing my heart of something more. For something better. To encourage me not to settle in the comfortability of unhealthy fears and unreciprocated feelings. The Lord knew that my heart was made for a heart just like Zac’s, and because of that, I knew I had finally met my match.
Friends, if you are in a season of singleness, dating, or even engagement, know that feelings of uncertainty, impatience, and anxiety are all normal. It’s not normal to have debilitating anxiety which leads you to the hospital, but just know that if that happens to you, you will be okay. Matters of the heart are weighty and hold a lot of value in this life. But I encourage you to not place so much stock in finding a suitable mate. If it’s meant to be, you won’t have to go searching for it (just like Zac arriving at my front door) – the Lord has a funny way of providing at just the right time. We don’t have to stop living to simply wait for this gift.
Love is a choice, and no matter who you end up dating or marrying, they will never be perfect and you will never be perfect. Relationships will always have problems, but the difference is whether or not you’re willing to put forth the effort to make it work.
Zac and I are completely broken people. But that leaves a whole lot of room for Jesus to come in and fill our cracked places. He is my person, and I honestly can’t wait to marry him. I am so thankful I get to choose him everyday, to love him unconditionally, and to grow alongside him as we venture through this life. I believe he is my better half. I could talk about him so much more, but to spare him the embarrassment (since he’ll probably end up reading this), I’ll end here.
Don’t settle, don’t let your impatience bring compromise, and don’t give up. If you’re uncertain, rest in the peace the Lord brings. If there is no peace, perhaps He is trying to tell you something. The Lord never withholds good gifts from His children unless it’s for their benefit. I encourage you to lean in and trust Him, for the “what if” questions don’t seem as overwhelming when they’re placed in His able hands.
I’d love to chat more if you have any questions – feel free to contact me or comment below.
XO – Lizard