The Butt-Kicker of 2019

Breathe in, breathe out.

Tonight finally feels like the first time in the past 4-5 ish weeks where I can simply sit and be.

Grad school’s been kicking my butt. But it’s also been super eye-opening.

I’ve studied and worked hard, meeting deadlines and passing exams I thought otherwise unachievable. I’ve spent countless nights staying up later than I’d like, trying to fit everything in while making sure I get enough rest to maintain my sanity.

And guess what? I’m still breathing.

Seasons come, and seasons go, and that statement has never felt more true than in these past few weeks of high stress and busyness.

I’ve probably uttered the verse, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,” about ten times a day, practically making it my anthem to get through the surmounting chaos (Philippians 4:13).

And as I sit here on my toilet, no not going to the bathroom – just simply sitting because other seats in the house seem to lack the same porcelain appeal, I’m tempted to start stressing out about all the upcoming deadlines and grades I still have yet to meet.

When will I have true peace? True rest? True freedom?

And then I pause.

I already have it. By the incredible grace of God, I have been given peace, rest, and freedom through the ultimate sacrifice of His son on the cross. I can only imagine all the turmoil and heartache our Heavenly Father was going through by choosing to give up His only son on our behalf. What sacrifice, what selflessness, what freedom. But He did it, and He did it willingly.

By Jesus’ wounds, I truly am healed, set free, and able to overcome all things, and I find that I really can do all things by His strength, even if that means pressing on until the very end of this arduous race.

Life is a continuous journey, and it won’t just restart once grad school is over. No, this is an essential piece to my story, and I’m learning to enjoy it and be okay with it.

There is beauty in the chaos, and I’m making it my goal to find it.

P.S. I’m not sure Mooie is ready to find it though. Just look at him in the cover photo lol.


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